Killer Cat

i am a huge fan of the tv show "First 48". the premise is that most murder cases need to be solved within the 1st 48 hours of the investigation or it gets more difficult after that window of time. i was a psychology major in college and the mentality of these criminals intrigues me in such a way that i hate to miss an episode.

after watching for the past two seasons, i have started to notice a pattern. of course the obvious pattern includes black men, machismo, guns and death. but the second most frequent pattern involves men, women, relationships and murder. thus the title of my blog....KILLER CAT aka Murderous Pussy. i cannot take credit for that phrase, i actually heard a comedian use it in her routine.

Vanessa Fraction (the comedian i snatched the term from) spoke about how having killer cat is not a good thing, even though some women think it's cute. i was moved to write this blog after observing the damage that killer cat has had on families featured on the First48.

in Birmingham, a young man was shot in his vehicle outside of a gas station. he was able to drive off, but died shortly there after behind the wheel. there was a passenger in his vehicle and he was able to identify the shooter. now at this point i am thinking, "boy he was stupid. how you shoot one but not the other one who saw you? what a dummy!!!??" i know that stance is not politically correct, but i realized a while ago that most criminals don't use too much logic. but back to The First 48....so what the detectives find out is that the shooter (i think his name was booby...LOL) was dating the victims ex-girlfriend. awwwww i see its looking like a case of killer cat. booby got a call from the girlfriend after she and the victim had an argument. now i know women and i know she was on some ole "my new boyfriend is going kick my old boyfriend ass". little did she know that she had just dialed M for Murder. so they bring in booby and he starts talking about his 5 kids and his twins on the way. count them y'all, 7 kids by the age of 25..WOW!! now in his interview regarding the murder he was so very nonchalant and dismissive about what he had done. he did not seem phased about going to jail or the fact that his 7 kids would grow up without a father. that p*ssy must have been really good. so good that you shot this man automatically, no thought needed. he was bothering your cat and to guarantee that you would get in it again, you had to "grab ya balls" and do something. again my 1st observation was correct, damn he was stupid.

there are probably 55 different episodes of The First 48 where killer cat has taken a brothers life by association. i have never known my "stuff" to be that good. i have gotten compliments, but not the obligatory murder at the dial of a number. i am not sure if i want to have that much power, nor do i want my "stuff" to have that type of power. sometimes we, as women, don't know what we are working with. ladies, i need you all to be more careful. you need to make the man happy, not crazy.

My 1st date: Why I started the blog

unlike most of my friends, i was a late bloomer. i didn’t have my 1st kiss until the age of 16. it was with a guy named C.T. he reminded me of Porky Pig with a gold tooth. i know it doesn’t sound too appealing, but i liked him. i had my 1st date a year later. it wasn’t a “real date” because it was prom and the guy that i originally planned to go with was on a ship in the Mediterranean Sea. so i ended up at prom with Adonis. he definitely lived up to the name, but i had known him since we were 8 yrs old and he was just the back up date. my 1st “real” date didn’t occur until I was in college. his name was Dee. just saying his name makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

the night of my date, i was a little excited but not nervous. at least i was telling myself I wasn’t nervous. my three lip gloss checks in the mirror would tell a different story. i wanted to look perfect for this evening and i was starting to obsess over my appearance. my jean skirt was pressed, i had shaved my legs, my nails were done, my eyebrows arched, lips shiny and i still felt off a smidgen. hell, i guess i was nervous. no, this wasn’t my first date, but it was my first date with Dee. i didn’t even know if it was really a date. Dee and i had known each other for about 3 years, introduced to each other by mutual friends. i recall very clearly the first night i met him.

i was hanging out with my “church friends”, chilling after choir rehearsal and this man walked in. he was a man to me, the 16 year old virgin who had just had her real first kiss. there he stood 5'11" all chocolate, brown eyed, perfect set of shiny bright teeth, with his high top in tact wearing a pink Polo sweater. he was a freshman at Hampton University and had decided to come home to catch up with his friends. i don’t think that i spoke the entire evening, i just gawked and lusted. i never got up the courage to approach him that night because i knew he was out of my league. i thought of him often after that night and didn’t see Dee for a year or so. then one day my friend mentioned that she saw him out.
“Girl, I saw Dee and he looked so fly.”
“My Dee?”
“He ain’t your Dee but it’s the only Dee we know.”
all of a sudden i felt really bold
“Can you get his number for me? I’m gonna call him.”
“And what are you gonna say?”
“I haven’t figured it out yet.”
i didn’t know what to say or where to start, but i knew i had to see Dee again. and because the world is small and ironic, i ran into him at the mall. i already had his number but never mustered up enough nerve to call. this time when i saw Dee, he was still fine but he had traded in his high top for locs and i was in love all over again.
“Hey girl! How have you been?”
“Been alright and you?”
“Good. It’s good to see you.”
then the strangest thing happened. he hugged me. oh my lord, i had just made physical contact with the man of my dreams!!!! in my head i was doing cartwheels across the mall, but i could not let him know that. we continued to talk for about 5 more minutes when i decided to make my move, or something like that.
“Well you know I work at the movie theater, so if you ever want to see a movie, call me.”
i hoped i didn’t sound too desperate? well in the end it didn’t matter because he asked for my number and he called me. fast forward to my living room.

so there i was pacing back and forth waiting for Dee to arrive. i was looking out the window and sitting down and looking out the window again. my frequent movement must have been bothering my mother because she yelled at me to “sit my ass down and wait.” i was running low on patience and getting scared. maybe on the drive over he decided that I wasn’t the one or maybe he just changed his mind. just as i was sinking into a depression of self doubt, i saw lights flash in the driveway. i attempted to dart to the front door, but my mother was playing defense that night.
“Sit your ass down. He is gonna come to this door and ask for you.”
“But Ma...”
“Be quiet and let me answer the door.”
it seemed like my mother was walking in slow motion toward the door. she proceeded to let Dee in and then ask him a series of questions. she asked about his family, school, his future plans and how we met each other. (that last question would get me in trouble later on in life.) she finally called out to me to tell me what i already knew; the man of my dreams was in the living room. i all but ran out of the house in anticipation of spending time with him. he opened the car door for me and we headed on our way to the movies.
i let him choose the movie (Jurassic Park) and we sat close and shared a soda. in my mind the biggest dream thus far in my life was taking place. my hands were sweaty, my heart was racing and i was pretty much speechless the majority of the time we were together. as the evening progressed, i began to anticipate the kiss that would close the night. but to my dismay, it never happened. i was constantly thinking, “Why is Dee interested in me? What could he possibly like about me?” maybe he could smell my lack of self confidence and that turned him off. even though we did not kiss, we did see each other again. as a matter of fact, he introduced me to his parents and sister. but alas i was never ever to pull the trigger when it came to Dee. i was too insecure, too naïve and had no real understanding of what it took to maintain a dating relationship.

i did so many things wrong in that situation, but no one ever told me what to do right. when i asked my mother about men, she was only concerned about me getting pregnant. the best advice she could give me was not to be dependent on a man. thanks Mom but that doesn’t have anything to do with me “dating”. i was lost when it came to the topic and i had to fend for myself for years. and those years were far from fun. i definitely didn’t want anybody else to go through what i did, so i started a blog called Black Girls Don’t Date: The reason Star Jones and Terry McMillan married gay men.

He stood me up.....

anybody who knows me, knows that Dwayne Johnson is my "baby daddy" in another life. he is actually the reason i started watching wrestling again (i watched it with my grandfather as a child). so when the movie "The Scorpion King" was debuting, a young man asked to take me to the see this film. i was elated, because it was a REAL date and i would get to watch 96 minutes of a sweaty half naked Dwayne Johnson.

the young man who asked me out, was someone i had been interacting with for a while. with him working at night and me during the day, scheduling a get together was almost impossible. so when we both were free we wanted to take advantage of the opportunity. we decided that Friday evening would be best but the time had yet to be determined. that made me a little nervous , but he called me about the movie times and we were all a go.

we decided on a time early in the evening. i know how it goes down in the A, so i picked an early time just in case he lined about something afterward. i started to get dressed and ready for my rendezvous, but forgot a tidbit of info. standard procedure for me is to drive on the 1st date, either i meet you or pick you up. so if the dude feels like he wants to nut up and act crazy, he will get left or i will leave. this time i forgot to ask my date which he would prefer. i did not want to offend him in his attempt to be gentlemanly, so i decided to call and ask.

when i called my date it went to his voice mail, so i decided to leave a message. he was probably getting dressed, so i started getting dressed and waited for a return phone call. when 30 minutes went by, i called again; voice mail answered again. i wasn't worried, i was going to give him the benefit of the doubt. now when the 2 earliest movies times had passed and i had not heard from him, i was worried. you see something must have happened, a family emergency, an accident or a tornado knocked over his house because there was no way he was standing me up. when he initially asked me out, i told him that this date had to happen and if it didn't that was it. and he gave me his word, so his car must have exploded and his phone burned up inside.

by 10:30 pm, i was pissed. i hoped that there was a pile up on 285 and he was in the midst of it. i don't wish bad things on people, but what happened in a 2 hour span that you couldn't call me? this was the first and last time i had been stood up (the fake NFL player doesn't count) and he didn't even have the decency to call the next day. not only did he not call the next day, it was 2 weeks before i heard from him. and what did he say when he called:
"i was scared."
"whaaaaaa?"
"you said if i did not show, that was it."
"and i meant that."
"i know and that scared me."
"okay dude, whatever. if you had a better offer, just say so."
"i didn't even leave my house. i was just, ya know, it was just that...."
"forget it man, just forget it."
that was the last convo we had about dating or a date.

i never understood how 'not calling' was supposed to help the situation. maybe if a year had passed, i would have forgotten.....that is a lie; i would have never forgotten. i am not a hard ass (totally), so he and i were able to establish a friendship after he took me and my sister to dinner. hopefully he hasn't stood anybody else up and he has learned from our experience.

Goodbye Mr. Marcus

i was an innocent when i moved to Atlanta in 2000. i never thought i was an innocent, but one trip to the strip club and i knew i was one. my new friends were amazed that i had never seen a real porno in my 20-some years. the closest i had come to it were the soft core Skinemax flicks on cable. so for a birthday gift one year, my friend bought me a porn VHS tape (yes i am showing my age). the title of my video was Mr. Marcus' Neighborhood (the man in the above photo is Mr. Marcus, as if y'all did not know). i had always heard that guys in porn were unattractive, but Mr. Marcus was the exception. when i watched the video, i was amazed in a good way. so much so, i shared it with my friends. sadly one of those former friends walked away with my tape ( i know it was you Schalonda).

even after the tape was gone, i always spoke highly of the magnificence that was Mr. Marcus. i wanted all women who had never seen or heard of this man to SEE him at work. i never bought another tape but definitely recommended his work to anyone who would listen. after a few years, Mr. Marcus and i connected again. this time it was through the magic of Myspace. he was a part of my friend's list and frequently was listed in my top friends. people would laugh and make jokes about it and it was/is funny. but i now realize that i again have to lose Mr. Marcus.

i do not frequent Myspace like in the past because Facebook has taken over my life. when i do check my Myspace account, i go through my friend requests to see if someone from my past has found me. normally i get requests from bands, singers, rappers and djs. that is cool because i love music and i enjoy hearing new things. sprinkled through those couple of requests, i had some random men send me requests. i always inspect a page before i accept a new friend. the default pictures did not look familiar and when i clicked on their pages, i was disturbed. i saw more booty and breasts than should be allowed. i saw photos of people engaged in activities that i thought were banned on Myspace. i have always told people that if you try to friend me and your top friends are booties in thongs, you shall be denied. so i was denying all of these random requests. i was just confused as to why they were contacting me.

my default picture is one of my eye. i am not scantily clad on my page and the only skin shown is on my feet. so what was the connection between them and me? the last time i received a request from one of those dudes, i check to see if we had any mutual friends. and there he was smiling at me, Mr. Marcus. dayumit!!!!!! i am getting the "10 freaky girls" requests because i was on Mr. Marcus' friends list. so i had to make a decision and this is my farewell letter to Mr. Marcus. i must delete him to prevent some of the booty lovers from contacting me ( there is always one that contacts you).

so i say, Goodbye Mr. Marcus. you shall be missed.
*wipes a tear*

we know within 20 seconds.......

i heard a while ago that a man knows if a woman is "the one" after 6 months. i always thought it to be an old wives tale, until i actually asked a guy who dumped me. i had not heard from him in about 51/2 months (since the dumping) and he called me out of the blue.
Crazy Nupe: Hey girl!
me: hey
Crazy Nupe: How you been?
me: fine, how is your girlfriend?
Crazy Nupe: She is aiight.
me: will i be getting an invitation soon?
Crazy Nupe: Naw, nothing like that.
me: well they say a man knows after 6 months. hasn't been about 6 months or more for y'all?
Crazy Nupe: That is true. A man does know at 6 months.
me: so your girlfriend is getting the ring?
Crazy Nupe: Aww naw. That is not happening.
me: but its been about 6 months?
Crazy Nupe: Yeah and that is why I'm calling you.
me: *crickets*
with women it is a little different. we know within 20 seconds. no, we don't know if we will marry you. but we do know if we will have sex with you.

i can personally see a man on the street, look at him without having spoken a word to him and know if i would have sex with him. if a woman has a general idea of what she is physically attracted to in a man, its an easy 20 second thought process. she looks, she contemplates and she decides. several guys i know could get it, based solely on attractiveness. its when they start talking that the problems happen, but that is a whole 'nother blog.

in my many years of retail work, i have had the pleasure of scoping out hundreds of men; some very good looking, some average looking, and some monsters. as each one walked through the door, i knew if i would or if i wouldn't do it to them. i know men are saying that it is just me, but ask your sister, female friend or your girl. if they say no, they are lying to keep their purity in tact for you.

this quick decision making can explain the times you saw a good looking girl and thought to yourself, "she slept with him?" i have been victim to the quick decision making with your eyes. and now those men are known as the "brothers who took the class but got no credit". it is not the most rational way to decide and please note that it takes us longer to decide on some men (y'all have to wear us down), but 90% of the time we know immediately.

Ladies, what do you think??

i did not have sex in college (insert sad face)

the above statement is not totally true. i did have sex while i was enrolled in college, just not in my college town and not with anybody that went to my college. now that we have cleared that up......

first, let me say it wasn't for a lack of want. there were several guys that i would have given it to, but i lacked the confidence necessary to approach them. secondly, my parents never had the sex education talk with me. so all i learned was from my friends, who knew nothing about sex (even though they thought they were experts). because i was working with little information, i took sex education classes in college. well it was actually an STD, HIV/AIDS class. so after taking that class, i really wasn't having sex with ANYBODY!!!!!

so when i hear stories about men doing sexual splits, library sex, and provocative quickies in the dorm; i feel like i missed out on something. i am not as upset that i didn't have sex, but that i don't have any cute sex stories to tell. but that is what happens when you are more of a storyteller than a sex fiend.

On the road to abnormality......

at the tender age of 9, my mother and i had a conversation about sex. she did all the talking and i did all of the listening. the conversation went like this:
"if you mess around with a boy and get pregnant, you will be sent away to California and never see me again."
can you imagine the look on my 9 yr old face? i was scared to death! California had just become a Vietnamese POW camp. from that day on my greatest fear in life has been the miracle of birth. unlike my teenage counterparts, i waited to lose my virginity mostly because of my mother's damning message. so now that i am in my 30's, i still hear my mother's voice but now she is asking for grandkids. i do want children, but i told myself that i wanted to be married before i did that. i know you don't have to be married to have kids, but it is what i want for me and my future children. so when i heard the men on the radio say that a woman with no kids and not married in her mid to late 30's was abnormal, i was angry.

on my favorite morning show (The Bert Show), they have guys come in and answer the questions of women callers. the men are told to be honest because the women want the truth. i do not even recall what the young ladies question was but i do remember the answer.
"if she is around 30 and has no kids and never been married, that is cool. if she is closer to 39 and doesn't have kids and never been married, that sends up all kinds of red flags."
"she must be doing something wrong if no one wants to marry her."
"that is just abnormal, ya know?"
don't we women have enough to deal with? now you are telling me that i am on the way to being less appealing to men? i know that all men don't subscribe to this notion, but what type of message are we sending to young women. it's back to the "old maid" adage that has plagued women for centuries.
my mother was married at 19 and had me by 24. at 19 i was a sophomore in college and at 24, i was drinking and partying to my hearts content. nowhere in my equation could i squeeze in a kid or husband. times have changed greatly, but to put a 1950's philosophy on a 2009 woman is unrealistic and unfair. in my mind, i was being told that if i had no husband or children that i was not fulfilling my life's purpose.

my mother always stressed to me as a child that education comes first, so that meant a family had to wait. so now that i have a career and no husband or kids, should i feel like something is wrong with my life? if i am healthy and happy with my life, why would you look at me differently because i am unmarried and childless? it is unnecessary for you to project your views and prejudices on me. think about the stigma this concept places on women who cannot physically have children? i know women in that situation and it has always effected their security in relationships. what ever happened to getting to know people before you place them in a category? i always looked at men that were did not have a wife and kids as single. i get to miss out on the baby mama drama or the ex-wife stalker. so why are women with the same characteristics looked at in a negative light? i guess my window to nab a man and baby is closing quickly. men must not know that women over 32 get this message everyday from their mothers.

i have decided to disregard the conversation i heard on the radio and chock it up as fodder for the shallow and ignorant. i am going to get off my soapbox now and get back to my soon to be abnormal life. let me know what you think about this particular topic.